When Personalities Collide: You And I Are Incompatible

When personalities collide, conflict, disagreement, and discomfort arise. There are those who point out that sometimes fate manages to force us to share scenarios with people with whom we do not get along. It happens at school, high school, work… Somehow, we almost always end up meeting someone who seems to be the complete opposite of ourselves.

Bad luck, maybe? Absolutely. The human being is so complex in terms of personality that it is almost inevitable that, from time to time, differences, edges and even antagonisms with one and the other will arise. Knowing how to live is the master key in this type of situation. However, there is something decisive that we must consider.

Sometimes these “clashes” of character do not appear only between figures that are outside our most intimate sphere. It is also common that sometimes our way of being comes face to face with a family member, a friend and even a partner. Suddenly, we can become fully aware that that person with whom we share life and projects is incompatible with us.

When personalities collide, what are the causes?

Carl Jung said that the main cause of conflict in everyday life were the antagonisms between the introverted personality and the extroverted personality. This could be a hypothesis. At the end of the day, we all know what can exhaust or upset us, for example, someone excessively open or reserved.

However, when personalities collide, they do so for many more triggers than for these two typologies. In fact, it is interesting to know that science has been interested in this topic for decades for compelling reasons. We know that many labor disputes are motivated by these differences of character and these antagonisms. Thus, studies, such as the one published in the journal Nature , by Dr. Kendall Powell indicate something relevant.

Sometimes, these disagreements can slow down the development of many careers, scientific advances in the laboratory field and even discoveries. The bad work environment is like a toxic smoke that extinguishes motivation, creativity and performance. However why does it happen? What is behind these disagreements of character?

Beyond the way of being there is respect

We talked earlier about introverted and introverted personalities. Well, the truth is that this theory is not as important as we think. Beyond our way of being, there is the way we behave with others, and this is the real difference.

In this way, one can be very outgoing or less, a defender of some ideas, of some political tendencies or others, but if he knows how to respect others, knots that cannot be undone will rarely form. It does not matter that we have a co-worker or a relative with a lifestyle very different from ours, if he knows how to live together, is receptive and respectful, there will not be excessive friction.

Difference of values

When personalities collide in a relationship and we say that “you and I are incompatible”, there is something more than a friction in terms of character. The difference in the respective values ​​of each is what places one at one end and another at the other.

Defending antagonistic principles, being guided by different dimensions and not understanding those of the other brand, in general, great veins in any relationship.

When personalities collide because one of them is conflictive

Many of us will have experienced it on our own skin. Sometimes, we do not experience any problem working or sharing space with people who show a very different personality from ours. However, this changes when we encounter conflicting personalities.

In these cases, we are facing a pattern of behavior that purposely seeks difference, igniting discord and disagreement.

What can we do when our way of being is incompatible with someone’s?

Our reality would be wonderful and enriching if we could make the most of our differences in personality. Each of us, in each of our particularities, is capable of offering others new perspectives with which to see the world from other perspectives. Being different is not a problem, the problem is not accepting the difference.

Somehow, when personalities collide, it happens because there is an excess of idiosyncrasy. It is that approach with which, to make the other see that my truth is my only truth and yours is not valid. That unbearable friction comes when we fall into extremes and coexistence problems. Therefore, it is always appropriate to reflect on some aspects:

You and I are incompatible, what do we do now?

Work, family, friends and even relationships. There are times when we feel like we’ve reached the limit. We tell ourselves that we can no longer handle the other’s way of being … What can we do?

• The first thing is to understand that personality differences should not amount to conflict. Feeling that we think differently and that we value things that are opposite to the other does not have to lead to conflict. It is enough to assume and accept that this relationship will not be able to give more of itself.
• Howard Gardner, a psychologist and researcher at Harvard University, coined the interesting term “interpersonal intelligence.” Knowing how to handle ourselves in situations of personality shock is a tool that we are obliged to develop. For this, it is advisable, for example, to always examine one’s own internal psychodynamics : why is that person so difficult for me? Why do I get angry, calm down and “crash” with me?

Likewise, in those situations in which distance is not possible, such as in work settings, it is always good to try to look at the similarities rather than the differences. We can be incompatible in many aspects, but this does not mean that we can coexist and even coincide in small aspects.