My Partner Says They Don’t Feel The Same Way About Me Anymore, What Should I Do?

Emotions at the beginning of a relationship tend to be different as time passes, have you ever heard from your partner that “they no longer feel the same”? we tell you here.

A relationship is established through the decision of two people to initiate a bond that goes far beyond commitment and reciprocity. This bond usually lasts over time, so it is normal for differences to appear between the two people that can shake the foundations of the relationship.

Differences in a relationship do not have to be a reason for a break, as long as the reasons for which they appear are accepted and recognized. However, one of the members may be worn out by them and feel that they have lost interest in staying in the relationship. What can be done when this happens?

Love in a relationship

A relationship can be compared to the weather: some days you are dancing in the rain and others on a sunny day. It is common for the couple relationship to be based on love and the sensations that are experienced in the beginning of the relationship. However, love, like any other emotion, does not usually last over time, just as no person is happy or sad throughout his life, but with variations throughout his life.

Therefore, expecting the feelings of the first moments of the relationship to last throughout your life as a couple, can lead to misunderstandings. The pressure to fit into the other person’s world and be accepted by them usually stabilizes once the degree of commitment increases. This does not mean that love goes to the background but, stabilized in time, the fundamental task is to take care of the relationship.

Differences and the polarization process

In the first moments of a relationship, differences often go unnoticed. This is due in large part to the need to please the other person and the low level of trust that one has in the first encounters.

However, once the couple’s relationship is established, these differences can become a problem when the couple instigates the change of thoughts or behaviors that provoke discomfort, which causes both to fall into a trap in which each demands change in the other, coercion is the protagonist in the most serious cases.

These differences can also be facilitated by the myths in today’s society about how the relationship should be, how a man should behave in the relationship, how a woman should behave, etc.

In general, the above makes each of the members of the couple relationship think that for the relationship to work, the other person must change, associating the characteristics of the couple as the main source of discomfort.

What should I do if my partner says they no longer feel the same way about me?

It is possible that the differences in the first moments of the relationship could have been seen even attractive. Over time, if these differences are not communicated to the other person, they can be the main reasons why a relationship ends in disaster. As a consequence, the other person does not know what is happening in the relationship, being one of the reasons for the break.

In some cases , couples therapy becomes an essential requirement to address the differences that stand between the two people. In other words, couples need to be encouraged to observe differences not as a problem that stands between the partners, but as an agent that is in the middle of the relationship and needs to be addressed together.

Love vs. infatuation

Do not confuse not feeling the same with love. While falling in love tends to prevail in the early stages, love is an ongoing process in which respect for the other person is a primary element. In addition, to this is added the degree of commitment and other elements apart from the passion that is usually experienced in the first encounters.

Once again, myths often come into play and increase doubts about the degree of willingness to continue a stable relationship or not. Sometimes even the emotions of the first moments are experienced with other people outside the relationship, leading to greater confusion and therefore, greater risk of a breakup.

Many times, before this type of doubts, one goes to the advice or recommendation of loved ones (family, friends, etc.) These advice, depending on the experience of other people, can have consequences for making decisions as fragile as the to maintain or not a relationship.

That is why, once again, couples therapy is essential as a method of addressing certain issues without counting on the judgment that other people can make based on their experience. However, this article will make a series of recommendations that do not exclude the figure of a specialist for the approach of each case.

Communication in a couple relationship

The needs and desires of the partner can be taken for granted. On the contrary, it tends to act as if the other person should know what is happening without having communicated what has happened.

The problem with this is that you act according to whether you knew the needs of the other person or as if you had to guess what is happening. Therefore, events or events that have made a dent in the couple’s relationship may have been ignored.

Validation vs. invalidation

Invalidations are usually frequent in a relationship if the differences have produced an excessive distance. Overrides consist of overriding the other person’s opinions, emotions, or feelings. An example of this could be “you are exaggerating, it is not so bad, you are always with the same thing” , and so on.

On the contrary, emotional validation consists of listening to the other person’s point of view, their emotions, their thoughts, etc. It does not mean that the other person should be in complete agreement with the other person, but rather encourages the conversation of deeper issues of concern in a relationship.

Avoid prosecution

The prosecution does nothing other than increase the conflict. In couple discussions, it is often common to accuse the couple as the main reason for conflict, instead of addressing the issue in question as a problem in which both have part of the responsibility.

Phrases like: “you are away from home all day, you prefer to be with your family instead of spending more time together, etc.” These are the typical phrases that can be thrown at the other person as a way of trying to solve the problem, these being counterproductive. In fact, this type of accusation tends to distance couples more, seeing the differences even greater.

Be open

Being open in a relationship means being open to small doses of discomfort. It means accepting on many occasions the differences that occur after the decision to establish a relationship, this union being more important than the events that arise along the way and that can unbalance a relationship.

Differences and problems that arise in the course of the relationship can blind both partners, leaving aside the main reason why they decided to start the relationship. To this is added the loss of values ​​that one has in a couple relationship and the responsibilities that they have been willing to assume from the beginning.

If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work

As mentioned previously, the help of a specialist may be convenient to highlight the values ​​in a couple relationship, in addition to work in other areas such as acceptance and tolerance strategies. However, the final decision is for the couples, who have the option of not continuing the relationship if attempts to reestablish the relationship are not as expected.

Carrying out a healthy separation, in which respect is kept for both members of a couple relationship, is essential. Separations where the dialogue between the two people has been facilitated, respecting the needs and times of each one, favors the process of mourning due to separation.

Accept the loss

If couples therapy and other actions were not effective solutions, the next step will be to accept the breakup. It is normal that it hurts to break the bond with someone we care about or who has had an important weight in our lives, especially if we are the ones who are left.

But, when the couple stops feeling something for us, there is little we can do. Begging for a few crumbs of love will not lead us to any happy path. Trying to force someone else to be by our side is never an option. And the truth is that, if the feeling does not arise, it does not arise. We can do no more than accept.

This implies accepting that they no longer feel something for us and accepting the entire emotional process that follows. This does not mean “throwing in the towel,” giving up, or not fighting. In this sense, you have to know how to recognize when your attempts will be useless.

Lastly, keep in mind that after every breakup, there is a new beginning. Changes always give us the possibility to open new paths, to explore another moment, another part of ourselves, another lifestyle. To go beyond where we were. That is why losses can also add up.