Love In Intelligent People

How is love in intelligent people? Science, always interested in this dimension, has shown us that, on average, having this profile does not increase the probability of finding an emotional partner. They are more analytical, independent, demanding… Now, when they find someone similar to their expectations, the bond they can create is really strong and satisfying.

For those looking for a book on the same topic, there is no more enlightening, as well as fun, proposal than The Tao of Quotations, by Harvard philosophy professor Alex Benzer.

In it, it is explained to us from an ironic point of view why intelligent people tend to have less lasting relationships. As the author himself reveals, all that glitters is not gold, and being brilliant from an intellectual point of view does not necessarily translate into success, especially on some levels.

Smart people get bored easily and sometimes even bore others with their keen interests and unique passions. They are forgetful, procrastinating, difficult to understand, highly demanding (and self-demanding), they  wander easily, suffer from constant existential crises and, if that were not enough, they have an emotional thermometer that ranges from the most exquisite sensitivity to the most explosive bad mood.

They are not exactly easy, there is no doubt. However, all of us, regardless of our IQ, also present our corners, cavities and unique edges. In matters of the heart, not everything is harmony and love affairs at first sight. We know. However, from a scientific point of view, what intelligent people have in common when it comes to living love has traditionally been the subject of attention.

Thus, we have several studies on love in intelligent people. Let’s see them. 

Love in intelligent people, what is it like?

Most assume that it is very difficult to be intellectually brilliant and enjoy happy, stable, and satisfying relationships.

It is apparently so because it is not easy to find another equal, a person with the same intellectual potential, the same passions and cognitive singularities. However, sometimes we get carried away by stereotypes and assumptions without allowing ourselves to investigate a little more, without consulting with the scientist.

First of all, there are high IQ people who make successful commitments. What’s more, there are those who do not need a loving partner with an exceptional mind to fall in love and participate in a solid relationship.

The emotional connection is enough. In many cases, for love to be born, it is enough to have someone capable of enriching points of view, with ease to complement each other and who, in one way or another, stimulates its growth. To understand what love is like in intelligent people, we can refer to a work carried out by the Dutch psychologist Pieternel Dijkstra and his team in 2017.

They look for people with whom to see the world in the same way

Profiles with a high IQ have a very defined world view. Their ideals, their philosophy and their taste for the transcendental are sometimes very high, hence they do not tolerate certain approaches, banal comments or disregard for certain areas of knowledge and knowledge. They like the people involved, personalities with whom they ramble for common interests, for similar goals.

Therefore, it is not easy to find people who, without having to be highly intelligent, are brilliant in terms of ideals and sensibilities. Hence, sometimes it is so common that this profile is frustrated emotionally. So many disappointments and failed attempts lead them to prefer their solitude and independence. His wish would be to find a partner with whom to have deeper and more transcendental affinities, those that go beyond the intellect.

Smart people and insecure attachment

Professor Pieternel Dijkstra discovered something interesting in this study. Among all the high IQ people he interviewed and analyzed over several years, a good portion of them had insecure attachment. What does this mean and what is the emotional implication of it?

• They are people who are instantly close and loving and later show emotional coldness.
• They also present great insecurity in this relational matter . Deep down they fear being abandoned or betrayed, hence they sometimes become obsessed with certain nuances, that they analyze any gesture, tone of voice, contradiction, etc.
• They fear abandonment, but at the same time, when the other person needs them, they can show rejection or distance. An undoubtedly complex aspect that presents a part (not all) of the population with high intellectual capacities.

When Intellect Meets Emotional Intelligence: Success in Relationships

We pointed out at the beginning, love in intelligent people can sometimes be as satisfying as it is stable. This happens in people who combine high intellectual potential with good emotional intelligence. Likewise, we can add another condition: finding someone with the same perspectives, with those affinities with which to harmonize lives and projects.

Love is not enough in these cases, it is sought above all that correspondence in objectives, in personal philosophies, in goals, in values, in an implication with which to allow ourselves to grow together in a common aspiration. When this happens the couple is highly effective. They are good at managing their conflicts and discrepancies. They handle respect and communication very well, and in turn, they are couples who enjoy a heightened sense of humor.

As we can see, love is not impossible in these profiles with high capacities : they are not condemned to unhappy and ephemeral relationships. There is always a suitable person, someone like-minded capable of enriching your intellect and your heart alike.