If You Are A Father Or Mother, Breathe

We all need to stop and breathe, recharge, or switch activities. When we are parents, these needs multiply and taking time and space to take care of ourselves becomes a challenge. Think that we have to face not only our difficult moments -personal, work, emotional, etc.-, but also situations with our children, which can trigger conflict and unleash a family battle.

If you are a parent, breathe. Because we are tired, because they do not know how to express what is happening to them or perhaps because we do not know what to say to them. It is necessary to stop. If our children are teenagers, critical moments are assured. Let’s see how to reduce the battles and make them learning and growing situations.

Carlos, 15 years old

Carlos’s mother came to the psychologist because she felt overwhelmed. At work level I suffered a lot of stress, I was tired, sad, I often cried at home. Her husband and son did not understand that she was always in a bad mood. Not know what to do. He had the feeling that he did not control anything, that everything eluded him … and the conflicts with his son were daily.

He tried to be better, talk to his family, delegate at work, lower his level of demand and perfectionism. Still, there were days when I couldn’t handle everything …

When he comes in for a consultation, Carlos is nervous. He knows that his mother has come for a couple of sessions, and now we want to see him and get his point of view. At home things are going well, he says, his mother is a bit heavy, he wants to control everything … But hey, he with his father is fine. On vacation, as they spent more time together, they argued more, and now as each one goes a little “on his own”, it is better.

I keep asking him and he admits that his mother does not cope well with him getting older. That she’s been calmer lately, but that she immediately jumps over everything. In the end we all get angry over nonsense, but we end up angry. He always wants to control everything, he complains and is never satisfied with anything.

Teens at home, reason to breathe more

The case of Carlos and his family is common. Having a teenager at home is reason to breathe more. When a family comes to see the psychologist, it is because they cannot take it anymore. So they decide to seek professional help, someone who can see and listen to children, adolescents and parents. Let this family see that they can change, that they have the keys, that they are a team. They need to unlearn certain habits and learn other performance dynamics.

First of all is the need to stop, to see the son. To see that child or that adolescent who wants to tell us something. And breath. See the relationship between each parent with the child. Not reacting immediately to the child.

You need to be fully present in the moment. Be open, non-judgmental, mindful. Connect with the child and with one’s own wisdom and vitality. This requires cultivating courage, trust, and compassion. Share special moments with the child, not only of homework, effort and work, but also of fun, emotions and complicity.

Teenagers, those magical beings

Adolescents are magical beings, capable of making us see the best and the worst in ourselves. They are like that, teenagers, funny, energetic, unpredictable. Sometimes difficult to handle, with mood swings and concentration problems. They have a fear of failure, a fear of feeling rejected, not loved, and they need us. They have their needs, they need the love of their parents, the family pillar, their friends, and not to feel alone.

The adolescent may feel overwhelmed by his emotions, confused with his thoughts and doubtful in making decisions. He needs parents to listen to him. That they are calm and that they can accompany him in his development. The best we can do for him is to be calm.