Dosed Silence: A Form Of Manipulation
Dosed silence can be a form, like many others, of passive aggression . It is defined as a calculated handling of communication in which silence plays a primary role and whose objective is to control and weaken another person or their position. It is not always manipulated through words, but it is also done through silences. This last tactic is very harmful because it has a more chameleonic mask.
It’s called dosed silence because it’s not constant, like when someone ignores you or stops talking to you. In this type of manipulation , the meeting and the disagreement, the expression and the lack of it are mixed. All of this is carried out in an arbitrary way. It is the manipulator who decides the rhythm of communication in pursuit of his interests for which the other is only an instrument.
As silence itself is a very ambiguous form of expression , it is usual for the victim to feel very confused or distressed. He does not finally know what to think and spends a lot of time and emotional energy trying to guess what each silence means. She feels insecure and doubts any step to take. Many times she ends up thinking that she is the one who has a problem or does not know how to interpret or gives an exaggerated importance to those silences.
How does the dosed silence manifest itself?
Dosed silence manifests itself in many ways. A very common one occurs when the manipulator seeks you to speak about everything first. It is not a courtesy. It lets you speak simply to probe you, to take information from you and study you. On the other hand, be careful, not everyone who lets you speak first is manipulating you. This behavior needs to be frequent or constant, intentional and unrequited. That person will speak little of himself or will do so with evasions.
Another way that dosed silence presents itself is when someone suddenly breaks communication and then unexpectedly picks it up as well. Stop answering calls or messages without giving any explanation. Then it appears as if nothing had happened. And if you ask him or ask him about the reasons for his distance, he will tell you that nothing is happening, that they are your wrong impressions.
In the same way, there is dosed silence when a kind of censorship is imposed on certain subjects, without explanation. Simply when you try to talk about it, the other person avoids the issue or refuses to elaborate. This, of course, applies to issues that are important to both parties. The negative is not that someone does not want to talk about something in particular, but that it is systematic and no explanation is given about it, knowing that this attitude affects the other.
Finally, a very common form of dosed silence is that of keeping something quiet because, supposedly, not knowing it is better for the other. It applies to matters that directly concern that someone from whom information is being withheld. Some call it “playing cool,” but it’s definitely a misnomer.
The word is power and silence is too
What distinguishes manipulative silence from spontaneous silence is purpose. Whoever uses this strategy of hiding in the absence of words does so with the aim of controlling the other. He knows that it generates confusion, projects insecurity and that is precisely what he is looking for. By hiding in silence, he leaves the other without tools to act on equal terms.
Manipulative silence should not be confused with shyness. Not everyone has the facility to communicate spontaneously. There are those who need time and understanding to express what they think and feel. They do not speak out of shyness, insecurity or lack of confidence. However, their goal is not to control others, but rather to protect themselves.
Dosed silence is distinguished by the effect it generates on the other. It alternates with apparently “normal” communication. It is an absence of words that gives the feeling of hiding something. As it is subtle, it can hardly be confronted, on pain of being accused of being paranoid or fanciful. However subtle it may be, it causes a lot of damage in a relationship and particularly in the person who is the subject of that practice.
This type of silence can be extremely aggressive, especially since it plunges communication into muddy ground. Misunderstandings and guesswork are the order of the day. And abuse as such is hardly exposed, except for its effects. If the other, after having pointed out his attitude, does not stop in this toxic practice, there is no other way out than a direct and explicit rejection and distance.
Images courtesy of Pablo Thecuadro
