The Difference Between Letting Off Steam And Unloading On Others

All people experience moments of rage, anger, frustration or anger. It is legal to get angry, the key is in how we express that discomfort. Do you know what the difference is between letting off steam and unloading on others?

There are several differences between the two situations. When we vent to someone, we do it to feel relief, releasing that anger we feel inside. Even though we are angry, we may be able to take responsibility for part of the problem that we are expressing.

On the other hand, when we unload with someone, we do it from the victimhood and trying to blame others for our problem or our anger. We enter a loop, which far from playing in our favor to find solutions to problems, can cause us to do and do ourselves a lot of damage. What other differences are there between one situation and another? Let’s see them!

Rage, anger and anger: what are they?

When they hurt us, our expectations are not met, they deceive us or we make mistakes, we can experience anger, anger or anger. These emotions are natural and help us set limits, if we express them appropriately. 

• Anger is the emotion we experience when we perceive a situation of injustice; also, when something is deprived or taken from us.
• Anger is also an emotion characterized by feelings of anger of varying intensity. Anger is expressed through resentment or irritability.
• Anger is an alteration of the mood that causes various reactions: fury, desire for revenge, indignation …

Expression of emotions

All these emotions can be expressed in different ways: writing, yelling, crying, breaking things, with self or hetero-aggressiveness …

Logically, there are more adaptive ways than others to express them. Thus, while venting to someone (in its proper measure) would be an adaptive and functional strategy, unloading on others would be maladaptive.

Why? Because it does not allow us to get out of that loop of negativity that we feel and, in addition, we harm the other (something that does not happen in relief). We are going to know in more detail the difference between venting and unloading on others, be it anger, rage or anger.

The difference between venting and unloading on others

What difference between venting and unloading on others do we find? As we will see, in one situation and another, we manifest different behaviors and, in addition, we provoke different emotions or reactions in the other.

Signs that you are venting

When you vent to someone, or when someone does it to you, the behaviors that are manifested are the following (they do not need to appear all):

• You have the feeling of increasing calm.
• The relief is carried out in relation to a specific topic.
• Lasts for a limited time.
• The intention is to blame the other.
• Victimism does not predominate.
• You assume your responsibilities.
• After the initial moments, you are able to build a bridge.
• We are capable of awakening empathy in the other.

Signs that you are downloading

On the other hand, when we unload with someone (or when someone does it with us), the behaviors or symptoms that appear are the following:

• The feeling of discomfort increases.
• It gives us the feeling that the problems are growing.
• We feel that we have no responsibility or influence over what has happened.

• In our speech we try to blame others much more than to find solutions.
• We start within a loop and exit the conversation within the same loop.

What to do if they are downloaded onto us?

Perhaps you have experienced this experience on some occasion. What can you do in these cases? We leave you some ideas:

• Set limits: you can use a “now you’re very nervous, we’ll talk when you’re calmer”.
• Make an effort to build a dialogue rather than a monologue. Of course, making it clear that you are not an “emotional dump.”
• If these two actions do not serve you, go away.

Remember that protecting yourself from these situations is a form of self-care. We can be empathetic with our loved ones, but we also have to put assertiveness into practice : being able to set our own limits to avoid situations that hurt us and that we don’t have to put up with.

How to go from discharge to relief without hurting others?

And you, do you vent or unload on others? If you are more of the latter, we leave you a trick to start changing this situation. When you feel an intense inner rage and you feel like you need to vent, don’t do it on the first person and impulsively. Stand up, close your eyes, and take small deep breaths.

When you are calmer, try to find out what strategy you can use to express your anger: maybe writing, drawing, yelling in a place where you can do it …

After putting any of these strategies into practice, it is time to talk to the other. Because there you will be venting, and not downloading.