3 Guidelines To Relate To Fear

Learning to relate to fear is a smart way to deal with it. Fear is a very powerful force and if instead of fighting against it, we care more about managing it, taking advantage of it, we will feel freer to decide, act and live.

It is said that one should not be afraid of fear. This means, among other things, that we should not deprive ourselves of fearful experiences simply to avoid that feeling. Instead of avoiding it, you can learn to relate to fear, stop seeing it as your enemy, and turn it to your advantage.

How is this accomplished? The first thing is to accept that fear is part of our vital baggage. Also, that in principle it is our ally, since it is an alarm that our survival instinct sends us. That is why we should not avoid it, but look at it in the face. It is also convenient that you follow some guidelines to relate to fear, such as the following.

1. Listen, a guideline to relate to fear

One of the ways to learn to relate to fear is by learning to listen to its message. When you are afraid , don’t automatically try to get rid of it. It is not a pleasant sensation, but it appears whenever a risk or danger is present. As we have already pointed out, this is a warning that in principle is positive.

The task  to be carried out, then, is to delimit fear. That is, specify the source of that fear. Fear is experienced as a global sensation, but most of the time it is based on a specific risk or danger. Many times it is not easy to identify that source of fear.

Listening to fear is a way of finding the clues that refer us to its origin. What are you really afraid of when you are afraid? What is the danger  or risk that you see? When you can answer those questions, the fear lessens. What follows is to evaluate that danger or potential risk and look for ways to prevent it from causing you any harm, as far as possible.

2. Moderate expectations

When we feed the expectations in front of any type of situation, we are also increasing the intensity of the fear itself. If we propose something with all our strength and we think that everything else depends on it, we impose a  very strong pressure on ourselves. The possibility of not reaching it nurtures the seed of fear.

Nor is it good to do the opposite: reduce expectations so much that we face a challenge feeling already defeated. This is not a way to deal with fear, but rather a “forward escape.” We make fear win from the beginning, so as not to allow it to win at the end. We are convinced that it will win in any case.

The best thing, then, is to moderate this tendency to feed expectations. There is no use trying to anticipate the future, imagining possible results. It is inevitable that we do it, but what we can not do is not “recreate” ourselves in that exercise.

3. Do it with fear, but do it

If you wait until you’re not afraid to do something you want, you probably never will. If you already know what exactly you fear and have an idea of ​​how you can minimize the risk or manage its effects, you are ready to act. All of the above does not make the fear dissolve completely. It simply prepares you to take action.

Many of the decisions we make or the actions we undertake have a component of fear. Who has not been afraid of being rejected by the person they love? Who has not experienced nervousness before a definitive job interview, or before the start of the trip of their dreams, or in front of a major medical examination? Fear is always there, but conviction and commitment must also claim their place.

A good way to relate to fear is to learn to accept it as a partner. It will not go away. Nor is it there to hinder your plans. If you learn to give it a place, it will help you be more prudent and make better decisions. What you cannot allow is for him to take control. You have that and you should not give it up.