7 Keys To Raising Independent And Self-confident Children

Raising independent and self-confident children requires, above all, knowing when to intervene and when to allow spaces for them to acquire their own skills, those that will settle after facing challenges and difficulties. In addition, this art of parenting and education requires large doses of patience, tons of affection and a wise look that intuits needs.

Just a few weeks ago an interesting book on education was published entitled “Raising Independent, Self-Confident Kids” , where two child psychiatrists, Wendy Moss and Donald Moses, reflect on the parenting model that many mothers and fathers carry out today.

We have reached a point where  one of our priorities is to solve every problem that our children present. What’s more, sometimes we even anticipate them, taking care that they have an easy, rewarding and always placid life. In this way, we not only give them an apparent and almost magical tranquility, but we also experience pleasure in knowing that everything is in order.

All of this is undoubtedly understandable and in most cases, even expected. Now, it can be said that there are those who take this behavior to the extreme . By paving the way for them every day and in every circumstance, we deprive the child of a necessary skill: executive functioning.

The child psychiatrists Wendy Moss and Donald Moses understand executive functioning as that set of skills where you learn to be responsible for your world, to organize yourself, to manage your things, to learn from your mistakes and to develop a sense of self-efficacy. So let’s see what strategies we can carry out to raise independent and self-confident children.

1. Raising independent children: knowing when to step in and when to lead from afar

The education of a child is like a dance where you have to embrace and hold them in a moment and after a while, allow freedom of movement. Now, even in those moments where the dance partner can detach themselves to execute their own steps and movements in absolute freedom, the other party is still present, leading from a distance.

Knowing when to act and when to get away from our children requires, first of all, the application of basic rules of coexistence and a framework of action where each member at home has their responsibilities. A responsibility assumed and executed daily grants rights and it is in this dynamic agreed between the members of a family where children can grow in security and happiness knowing what is expected of them at all times.

2. Trust

Raising independent children requires that we provide them with confidence; trust towards us as parents or educators and trust with themselves. Thus, the little one who grows up in an environment where they are constantly nurtured, where affection and attention is always accessible and where there are no fears or barriers when communicating fears and needs, will have greater security to know that they are capable of doing almost everything.

3. Learn to make healthy choices

What do we understand by healthy decision? Healthy or enriching decisions are those that allow a child to learn, opening the way by assuming responsibilities where they understand that actions have consequences and that bad behaviors impact oneself and the environment. In addition, they are also those that teach that asking for advice is good and that sometimes, the choice one makes does not have to coincide with that of others.

Likewise, and to raise independent children, it is necessary to take into account that each child has his personality, his tastes, his passions. As adults we cannot mediate all your decisions and choices, but we can guide and advise.

4. Teach children to take responsibility for small tasks as well as large ones

Holding a child responsible requires three things: time, patience, and affection. In parenting, the main enemies are the need to want the little ones to quickly assume a large number of skills and sometimes, our lack of skills when it comes to managing those daily challenges that arise when we least expect them.

One way to sow progress is to understand that children are capable of assuming responsibilities from an early age. At 3 years old, for example, they can already learn to put away their toys and even help us with small household tasks such as setting and removing the table, watering the plants, caring for pets, etc.

Applying rules, duties and responsibilities as soon as possible will help them grow knowing that they can do many things they think they can do, that assuming responsibilities is synonymous with growing and that carrying them out successfully strengthens self-esteem.

5. Tolerance for frustration

An essential strategy for raising independent and responsible children is to help them develop patience and the ability to handle the little obstacles of the day. Something that we cannot lose sight of is that they have the opportunity to experiment and tolerate frustration and later become confident adolescents and adults.

Therefore, let us never doubt the power of the word “no” when necessary. A refusal on time and at the right moment generates great long-term benefits.

6. Develop self-control

Teaching children to look at themselves from the inside, to navigate and understand their emotional universes will enable them to better manage day-to-day problems and challenges. To achieve this, nothing better than instilling in them a nurturing and education based on the resources of emotional intelligence.

7. Social skills, the importance of developing social competence in children

Developing correct social skills in children will help them build more satisfying relationships, have a more confident image of themselves, and develop appropriate and enriching social competence. Let’s not forget either that something as basic as establishing correct empathy and good assertiveness will facilitate them to have more positive links in their environment where they can avoid bullying dynamics and survive in a healthier way in their social and emotional journey.

To conclude, in the adventure of raising independent, self-confident and above all happy children, we cannot neglect a cardinal aspect: ourselves. It is the mother, the father, the grandparents and every social agent that is part of the child’s immediate scene, the one who educates by his example, the one who nurtures or invalidates, the one who gives impulse to the child’s wings or the child. clings to a cage where only indecision, dependency and frustration dwell.

Let’s do it well, let’s remember that words leave a mark, that affections nurture and that examples mark the paths.