Knowing When We Are Irrational Helps Improve Our Well-being
Bear in mind that our interpretation of the situation is the one that causes negative emotions to appear or that they intensify more than necessary is the previous step to internalize and work on what we are going to expose in this article: learning to identify the irrational beliefs that appear in this process.
Has it ever happened to you that something has angered you and, when time has passed, you have found that it was silly? For example, maybe you felt sad because you thought your partner was going to leave you and then nothing happened or maybe, you had an argument with your best friend and you thought he was not going to talk to you anymore and it did not happen either. As we can see, sometimes our irrational ideas play tricks on us and make us feel bad when there is no realistic reason for it.
What are irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs are the ideas we have about ourselves, others, and the world that do not conform to reality. And they usually appear in the form of “should …” or “should …”. In addition, we consider them as obligations to fulfill.
Irrational beliefs create discomfort because they impose conditions for self-worth and happiness that are almost impossible to achieve. This fact is what makes it necessary to learn to identify them, to later modify and transform them into more adaptive ones.
Now, we all experience this type of belief to a greater or lesser extent. The important thing is to try to balance them to avoid causing us discomfort or at least reduce it. That is, we must learn to be aware of its appearance, its meaning and think of other realistic ways of seeing what happens to us. This is complicated, but it is the way forward to take charge of our well-being.
The 12 most important irrational beliefs
Psychologist Albert Ellis listed 12 basic irrational beliefs. They are as follows:
1. Need for approval: it is the absolute need to be loved and accepted by others. When we are small it is normal, but when we grow up we have to try to do things because of the importance they have for us, not for the rest.
2. Guilt and condemnation: it is the tendency to judge and condemn both others and ourselves. Now, the reality is that we cannot control other people’s behavior.
On the other hand, when we are the ones who do something that we consider inappropriate, we should try to remedy it or learn for the future, but remaining whipping ourselves does little to help us improve.
3. Frustration inexorably leads to depression: if something doesn’t go our way, we consider it horrible. We return to the same: if something frustrates us, we must try to improve to achieve our goals and, if this is not possible, accept the situation.
4. Human suffering is inevitable, it is caused by external events and people. It is our interpretation of events that causes negative emotions to appear, therefore, the control of suffering is in our hands.
5. We should be concerned about potential threats or dangers. Constantly anticipating that something bad is going to happen to us creates anxiety. Instead, we must focus on the present, and if any danger appears in the future, we will deal with it in due course.
6. It is easier to avoid than to face situations. As I already explained in another article, in the short term avoiding may be the easiest option, but this does not mean that the discomfort will disappear, but that in the long term it will be greater.
7. You need to trust others stronger than yourself. Social support is necessary, but this idea generates an excessive dependence on others. The ideal is to learn to be more independent and to do things for ourselves, which will help us to feel more fulfilled.
8. Fear of failure and incompetence. We are not perfect and of course we make mistakes. Keeping this in mind will help us feel better and be more aware and realistic of our capabilities.
9. The burden of past trauma on the present. If something has affected us in the past, it will always hurt us. This is seen a lot in romantic breakups. People stay with that first painful experience and close in on meeting new people, when the reality is that each experience is different from the previous ones and does not imply that it entails the same suffering.
10. You must have perfect control over things. Trying to control everything that happens around us generates a lot of discomfort, since it is impossible to do so. Accepting it is essential to enjoy life and thus prevent frustration from taking over us.
11. Human happiness can be achieved without effort, by inertia and without doing anything. On the contrary, when something really motivates us and requires us to be actively involved in it, it brings greater joys than what is given to us for its own sake.
12. You don’t have control over your own emotions and you can’t avoid certain emotions … If this were true, what do we do by reading this article?
In some of these irrational beliefs we will see ourselves reflected and in others we will not. The point is that we all have them to a greater or lesser extent. Don’t whip yourself… It’s normal! Knowing them is the first step to modify them and get to feel better little by little.
Main image courtesy of Ryoi Iwata
