When Having Good Intentions Doesn’t Help
Sometimes saying “what counts is the intention” is not enough. Being willing to help someone can cause problems… But how? I’m just trying to help!
Have you asked if the other needed your assistance?
Perhaps it has happened to you that you have wanted to help someone or a person to try to assist you and the results were not as you expected. Sometimes others (and ourselves) push in the opposite direction.
The people we love the most are the ones who want to help us the most, generally speaking. However, sometimes that force does not serve us, because it does not take us where we want to go.
Does this mean that your family and friends are bad people? Of course not! They think they are doing you a favor when in fact they may be “sinking” you.
” I’m going to give you some advice, ” says your mother. ” You have to do this or that thing ” indicates your father. ” Why don’t you work like me? “Asks your cousin. ” When you have more experience you will understand, ” says your grandmother.
When everyone around us begins to have an opinion on our life, they are trying to help us. But at what price? How do we act as everyone tells us? And where does what we want to do lie?
If we allow ourselves to be carried away by the opinions of others, even if “they are only trying to help ”, we run the risk of losing our way, not knowing where we are going or what we want to achieve. If we add to that that sometimes we are not very sure of ourselves, the problem will be worse because we will succumb to the pressures.
It is impossible to please everyone, record this by fire. Those who love you will say they want to help you, but in reality, they may want to put their frustrations on you or try to change you to shape you in their own way.
The fact of wanting to help the other, without taking into account their true needs can be extended to many areas.
For example, our partner has said that today he will prepare dinner, that you do not worry about anything. Instead of sitting on the couch watching television waiting for your better half to finish the blessed dinner, you get up every so often and you go to “inspect” what he is doing: “Do you want me to peel the potatoes?”, “Like this the meat is not cut “,” in the meantime I am washing the pots “,” Shall I set the table “?
It is not like this! He told you to stay on the couch that he wants to treat you to a nice dinner because you deserve it after working all day.
Why is it so difficult not to try to “help”? You can have the best intentions, however you are making your partner feel useless, that he does not have the capacity to prepare a dinner or what is worse, that you always have to control everything.
“If I just wanted to help” … The best way to do it is to sit on the couch watching a program or if you can’t resist the urge to help, you can take a bath or go for a walk. Upon your return, dinner will be ready and you will have a wonderful evening. If it wasn’t so difficult!
What to do to help and “do not disturb”?
It is not about stopping giving advice or standing idly by when someone needs help. But it is about knowing what time is right to offer our opinion or lend a hand. A simple phrase such as ” If you want, I’ll tell you what I think, you can take it or leave it ” or a simple question ” Do you need me to help you? “They are vital to not intrude so much in the lives of others.
Let’s try not to overwhelm the other and help him regardless of whether he really needs it. It is true that there are very proud people who do not ask for help, but perhaps if you find a way to analyze their reactions or attitudes, you can understand when it would be good for you to assist them.
In the event that someone intrudes too much into your life and wants to “help” you all the time, tell them that you appreciate their concern and intent, that you will value their advice, and then discuss all options before making your own decision.
