Coping With Sterility, A Complex Task

Sterility can be a great frustration for some people. For those who dream of being a father or mother, this constitutes, at least in principle, a real source of suffering. The impossibility of fulfilling that so natural desire can even mark a good part of life. However, as with all human realities, there are always ways to deal with it.

Sterility is an increasingly common problem. It is estimated that currently one in six couples must face this reality.

The usual thing is that the news that one of the two members of the couple is not fertile is a surprise. Almost everyone assumes they have the ability to procreate, until a test says otherwise. That is why it is not easy to assimilate at first. However, there are ways to make that process less burdensome.

Advice from friends about infertility

As with so many topics, sterility is the subject  of many people’s opinion. Everybody knows someone who couldn’t have children and then she took that, smeared the other one, and was finally able to conceive. People or couples who have been diagnosed with infertility sometimes fall into the hands of these paths that are not backed by science.

One of the most widespread “truths” is that anxiety  about having children is precisely what does not allow this to be possible. As it were, the person is blamed for worrying. This, instead of helping, ends up creating an additional burden – guilt, in many cases – and, furthermore, unnecessary.

It is true that stress can influence fertility, but the cases in which it is the determining factor are so rare that we cannot speak of a significant weight. Alone, if a doctor makes that claim, it is worth giving it some credibility.

A relationship problem

One of the most immediate consequences of a sterility diagnosis is the installation of a state of asymmetry in the couple. Usually it is only one of the two that presents the inability to conceive. If anything, this has an effect on both. It is a litmus test for the stability of the relationship.

It is common for those with fertility problems to feel guilty, responsible for the frustration of the other’s wishes. The other, in turn, will be faced with a very serious dilemma: if you want to have children naturally, you will have to change partners. And if you want to continue with your partner, you will have to give up the possibility of having children naturally.

It is not easy for either of us. However, it is not good for everyone to try to solve the problem only on an individual level. It is obvious that each one will need to build their own story, but it is best if the subject is discussed openly and frankly. Otherwise, this could lead to a lot of misunderstandings, leading to conflicts where there shouldn’t be.

It is important that time and space are allocated to talk about the subject. It is not advisable to keep it in mind all the time and talk about the same thing all the time. In fact, a good option is to start a small project together that can be successful. This objective can keep the communication channel open, in addition to not leaving the space for a joint goal empty.

The alternatives

When the diagnosis of infertility occurs it is because the assisted reproduction options have already been exhausted. This means that both of you most likely already have some signs of emotional wear and tear when facing this news. They are also somewhat more prepared for it, but that does not detract from such a definitive matter.

There will be no immediate resolution. The subject deserves a set of reflections that require rest and time. It is one thing to have contemplated this possibility and quite another to confirm it. It is best not to pressure yourself, or pressure the other to take the next step.

In any case, it is convenient to begin to learn about the alternatives that exist, both to have a child with the biological basis of one of the two, and to go to adoption. Also, of course, there is the possibility of ending the relationship. It is advisable that if you perceive too much tension, or conflict, or anxiety, you go to therapy.

Finally, being a parent is much more than just a matter of biology. The wonderful and magical thing about having a child is not only what happens in the body, but mainly the fabulous transformations that take place in the mind and in the heart.