When The Child Is Born, The Parents Are Also Born

Being parents is not an easy task. The birth of a child is the most wonderful event that can happen in the life of any human being, but also the one that most radically modifies it. From the day your child is born and you become a father or mother, everything begins to change.

Therefore, it is necessary to learn to adapt to the new situation in the most positive way possible, to tolerate ourselves when we feel emotionally unstable and above all not to label ourselves as bad parents if we do not act perfectly. Being parents is an apprenticeship and, like all apprenticeships, it is necessary to make mistakes and try again.

It is important to realize that not only has a child been born, but also that parents have been born and all the roles that until now we were exercising in front of this new role. This is relevant because it is very likely that you will have to increase your tolerance for frustration and focus on the new life that now awaits you before your eyes and that depends on you.

The birth of parents: a change in values

When you start your role as a father, you realize that those things that seemed extremely important in your life are gradually losing that nuance and now giving it to everything that has to do with your little one.

Going out with friends, putting in extra hours at work, going to movie premieres or having a good time choosing the best outfit to go out to dinner are no longer tasks that we like to do so much, plus we can no longer afford do them in the same way. Everything that used to give us a certain feeling of happiness goes to the background : you realize that true happiness is found in other values.

But even though, in the past bull we managed to see it like this, the truth is that detaching ourselves almost overnight from our former self, the one who was so free and could do whatever he wanted at every moment, is quite difficult and requires time.

We should not be alarmed if at the first change we are not continually thinking about our child or wanting to give our lives for him, as many parents say. Everything requires time to adapt, we are people, not robots and pressuring ourselves or feeling guilty about how “things should be” is not the best way to go.

The pressures in the end end up blocking us and in this way it is much more difficult to be able to exercise the role of parents with joy. You have to allow yourself to be human first of all, feel emotions, give yourself time to adapt to change and not beat yourself up for all this.

How to properly manage the new role of parents

In order to better adapt to the great change that this new stage implies in us, it is necessary, perhaps, to take into account some recommendations.

Tolerate discomfort

That comfort of making unexpected plans, of lying on the couch watching movies with your partner until the early hours of the morning or that dream of more than eight hours in a row, will most likely end for you.

Cherish every second with your child

Time flies by and your child’s progress is almost daily. Focus on the present when you are with him. Do not think about work, or your life as a couple, or tomorrow’s plans. Enjoy his smile, his first babbling or his first porridge. These moments are unique and unrepeatable and will not return.

Make new plans that your child can participate in

Maybe your old self loved going out to climb a mountain or go to the movies in the slutty session. Accept that there are many plans that your father self is going to have to change. That has a great side because you will end up discovering things that you did not know you were going to like as much or more than what you used to do before. Sign up for swimming with your baby, learn to do specific massages for them, etc …

Congratulate yourself on how you’re doing

You have reached the limit of your limits and you are exhausted and still you are still at the bottom of the canyon. It is very important that we tell ourselves that we are champions. People usually crush us when we do it wrong and we congratulate ourselves very little when we do things correctly. This self pat on the back will motivate us and act as a reinforcement for parenting.

Empathize with your parents

Now you will realize everything your parents did for you – and with less facilities than today – and you will see that thanks to this empathy your relationship with your parents improves.

Pick a time a week with yourself and squeeze it out

It is necessary that you agree with your partner a time of the week that will be only for you. There you would have a court to do whatever you want: a good hot foam bath, go to the beach to swim, go out to party with friends, etc. You will realize how now you enjoy these moments much more and are able to get the most out of it. Of course, you will also realize that you will be wanting to return to be with your little one.

Being a parent is a beautiful responsibility, most of the time the result of a conscious decision. However, behind that decision, as behind most of the decisions we make, there are situations that we cannot even imagine.

On the other hand, being parents does not cause a single feeling, but a cyclone of them that we have to learn to manage with patience and understanding towards our failures. It is about gradually building our own instruction manual: what we read, what we listen to, but above all from what the little ones teach us.