When I Said No, I Reaffirmed Myself
“The most important thing I have learned after 40 years
went to say no, when it is no “
(Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
Are you tired of always being diplomatic and conciliatory, of always being accommodating to others above your priorities and needs? Have you ever thought that if at any given moment, you were sincere and spoke directly about your differences with someone without having to raise your voice or get angry, you would feel better?
Are you tired of fixing the neighbor’s computer, of always being the one who takes care of your nephews, the one who always goes to the doctor with your aunt and the one who always overloads himself with things and obligations, even when you don’t feel like it, forgetting about you? same?
Are you tired of dancing the water to everyone?
Saying ” no “, ” enough ” or ” that’s not like that ” can free us, comfort us, and make us feel better about ourselves. And it is that many times out of fear of an argument, out of shyness, because we believe that they will hold us in worse esteem, we do not want to say it.
To avoid living an uncomfortable situation, we accumulate everything that we are not capable of saying to our faces, always wanting to please. And in the end, all we do is hurt ourselves, no one else.
Are you tired of dancing the water to everyone?
For this reason, sometimes we can start with small things, with small gestures and although at that moment someone will surely tell us “ well , you weren’t like that ”, “ how have you changed! “You will answer without fear” I have changed “and you will be so comfortable.
Surely, those first changes will mark a before and after inside you. You will feel more respected, more sure of yourself and you will learn to relate to others in a positive and sincere way; And if someone no longer loves you, maybe they never really loved you …
We must get them to respect and respect us and that is not achieved by speaking louder or making more noise. It is an attitude that everyone will notice, when we speak with sincerity looking into the eyes, when we are clear with others …
Shutting up everything and always saying “yes” does not assure us that they will love us more; in fact, when we think like this, perhaps a low self-esteem hides behind all this and we think that complacency is the means to obtain affection.
And how can we learn to say “NO”?
1. Start small. Don’t give silly excuses, it shows in the end. Simply say that you don’t feel like it, that you are tired, that you understand it but cannot, that you also have your obligations.
2. If you are not sure, first think about how you are going to do it. You can stand in front of the mirror and see both your verbal and non-verbal language. See if your speech is sensible and reasonable.
3. Do not fear, it is normal for you to feel uncomfortable and anxious at the moment of your “no”, but they say that “well understood charity begins with oneself”. Saying “NO” is loving yourself.
4. Lose the fear of others saying. The first person who has to feel satisfied with himself is you.
5. You do not need to give so many explanations. If you do it like this, you start to get into your spiral of “what a cut, how do I tell you …” and we return to the same thing.
6. Learn that if a person really loves you and appreciates you, they will not stop doing it because you say “NO”, you also have the right to rest and look for yourself. Check your self-esteem.
7. Learn not to feel guilty for saying “NO. ” That is an inside job that you can do little by little.
