Forgiveness As An Agent Of Personal Liberation

In one of the legends about the Buddha, a woman grieving over the loss of her son comes to him to resurrect her son. He tells her that it is possible but difficult to achieve. She agrees to do whatever it takes to save her son. Buddha sends her in search of mustard seeds from a house that has not been touched by death. After a harrowing day of going house to house, the woman realizes that there is no such house and we have all been touched, in some way, by misfortune.

It is very rare, not to say that it does not exist, to find a human being who has not been injured by some trauma or difficult event. Sometimes these events have consequences that can last a lifetime. And therein lies the importance of forgiveness.

OK I forgive you…

Culturally, we learn that forgiveness is giving others some kind of absolution for their lack of tact, bad behavior or simple carelessness with us. This forgiveness that we give to others are empty words to calm the surface of the situation, while powerful currents lie deep in our minds that push us in different directions.

This type of forgiveness does not help us to create something of value in our life. Instead, we can aspire to understand forgiveness as a process of gaining inner peace in the face of a difficult event.

In search of true forgiveness

In the book ” Forgiveness is Healing “, author Fred Luskin reveals that true forgiveness has the following characteristics at its heart:

• It’s about finding peace within yourself, and it really has nothing to do with others.

• It is a process in which we learn to live with the past in a different way, focused more on our power than our helplessness. To forgive is to become heroes of our life, and not victims.

• Deeply accept that you cannot change the past, while knowing that you can change the way you respond to it.

• You have the power to change your feelings and the responsibility to do so if something in your life is not working.

• Finding peace and forgiveness does not mean that what happened is right, allowed, or that any behavior is excused. It means that even if that happened, we can let go of the emotional charge and move on with our lives.

• Learn not to take things so personally, knowing how to recognize that we all suffer and we have to learn to rediscover our balance.
And this last point is perhaps the most important, since it gets to the heart of the matter and has the ability to touch our hearts.

What has happened to us has not happened only to us

We can recognize that what we live, no matter how difficult and stormy it may be, is an experience shared with Humanity. This has happened and will continue to happen as it is part of the human experience, however incorrect it may be. This unites us and allows us not to take things so personally. It helps us to give more importance to what is in front of us, than to what is behind. In this we recognize our strength to overcome adversity and leave what does not serve us behind.

Returning to the legend, the end tells us that : this woman, upon reaching the conclusion that it was impossible to change what had happened, since it was the most normal thing to live a deep loss, found the peace that no one else could have given her. Like this woman, each of us can find peace where we only experience suffering.