Why Do You Fall In Love With A Narcissist?

Many people are clear that a relationship with a narcissist is a true nightmare. However, and strangely enough, narcissists are usually successful at winning someone over and maintaining that relationship for a long time. Why is this happening?

A narcissist does not know how to love and that is what makes the relationship very painful for his partner. What defines them is the lack of empathy  and true interest in the other. It is not uncommon for them to exploit who they “love” or to incur successive abuses with that person. Even so, there are many who stick around with such people, without knowing exactly why.

These people are also lousy companions for bad times. They want to be perfect and for those around them to be perfect too; That is why they abandon, physically or emotionally , their partner when he or she goes through problems or moments of vulnerability. The question then is: why do you fall in love with a narcissist?

This is a narcissist in love

Although narcissists never really love anyone (not even themselves), they sometimes have crushes that, if anything, are always fleeting. In fact, they tend to experience with great intensity those feelings  that, however, never turn into a genuine love, that is, a love that seeks the good of the other.

The way a narcissistic person falls in love generally has the following features:

• Great intensity. For narcissists, everything that has to do with them must be great. Therefore, if they fall in love they do it with great intensity and with a lot of romance. They are usually hyperbolic in their expressions of affection.

• Public displays of affection. For these people it is important to ensure that everyone becomes a witness of their apparent love and relationship. That is why they tend to make details or special moments as a couple public.
• The praise as the protagonist. The usual thing is that at the beginning of the relationship they flatter each other. Then, they frequently go on to demand that they be praised or that their merits be publicly recognized.
• The couple is a trophy. Infatuation for narcissists is an opportunity to expand their ego. That is why they will look for someone as a partner who they can show off or who they can conceive of in front of others. If it fails, they will pretend that couple is a stranger.
• Jealousies. Narcissists are jealous because they are also very insecure. So your relationships will be very marked by possessiveness. They want to be “everything” to the other.

• They behave like saviors. It is very frequent that they show themselves as the one who has the ability to save or decisively support their partner. In principle, they will offer a very solid support, which will later charge dearly.
• They seem perfect. It is very common for this type of person to be very careful about making mistakes or having dissonant behaviors with the person they are “in love” with. Therefore, it seems as if they are perfect.

Fall in love with a narcissist

The traits described show the double condition of narcissists. On the one hand, they are charming and become very moving with their “ love shows ” and their superlative promises.

They will flatter your ego as much as they can, because for them love is that: exaltation of the self. For someone who is insecure or self-confident, this could all be fascinating. In the beginning, of course.

Over time, the other side of narcissism appears. It starts with not so noticeable gestures. In general, someone who has a narcissist as a partner begins to feel that this person is constantly evaluating them and that they have to “pass the test” many times. A desire arises for approval from the partner.

A narcissistic partner does not create peace, but anguish. Also, and with increasing intensity, it causes the feeling of being very lonely.

It is not felt that this person can be counted on and expressions of criticism or disqualification are more and more frequent. Sometimes this gives way to violence. Why then are so many people still “in love” with such a couple?

The answer is that the narcissist and those who depend on him are more alike than might be supposed. They are both deeply insecure, but while one makes up for this with excessive arrogance, the other does it by looking for someone else to take care of him. In reality, there is no love there, but a neurotic symbiosis from which neither of us can come out well.